The hard conversation library.
What to say, word for word, in the conversations managers put off. Every piece ends with the scenario that lets you rehearse it out loud.
Frameworks
Difficult Conversations Book Summary: The Three Conversations Model
A summary of Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton and Heen: the three conversations, intent versus impact, contribution instead of blame, and the words to use.
9 min read
Frameworks
Crucial Conversations Summary: The Method, in the Order You Use It
Crucial Conversations in one page, for someone with a hard meeting this week: shared meaning, silence and violence, Contrast, STATE, AMPP and a worked example.
9 min read
Underperformance
Performance Review Examples: Phrases That Say Something Real
Performance review phrases band by band, each with the hollow version and the real one, plus how to run the meeting and hold a rating the person disputes.
10 min read
Managing up
How to Give Feedback to Your Boss, and When Not To
Giving your manager feedback is the riskiest conversation at work. How to judge whether it is worth it, the words to use, and what to do when they get defensive.
9 min read
Managing up
Disagree and Commit: How to Push Back on Your Boss, and What Commit Actually Means
What disagree and commit really means, how to make the disagreement land as a business case, and the difference between committing and quietly sandbagging.
9 min read
Managing up
The Skip Level Meeting: What It Is For, and How to Run One
What a skip level meeting is for, a 30-minute agenda you can copy, the questions that get real answers, and what to say if you are the one being skipped.
11 min read
Delegation
Delegating Tasks: Why the Work Keeps Coming Back, and the Handover That Stops It
Work you hand off comes back because you delegated the task and kept the decision. The handover that fixes it, and the exact words to hand a question back.
9 min read
Keeping people
Signs an Employee Is About to Quit, and the Conversation to Have Before They Go
The signals that actually predict a resignation, the ones that are only noise, and the stay conversation to have while it can still change the answer.
10 min read
Asking for more
How to Negotiate a Raise After Your Number Is on the Table
Your number is out and your manager did not say yes. The words for a flat no, a lower counter, a stall, an HR handoff, and a yes with strings attached.
9 min read
Asking for more
How to Ask for a Promotion When You Are Already Doing the Job
A promotion ask is not a raise ask. The evidence that works, the script for the conversation, and what to say to each of the three answers you will get.
9 min read
Giving feedback
The Feedback Sandwich Method: Why It Fails and What to Use Instead
The praise-criticism-praise sandwich makes the manager comfortable, not the message clear. What it was built to fix, why it fails, and what replaces it.
8 min read
Giving feedback
How to Give Feedback to Employees That Changes Behavior
The three parts every piece of feedback needs, how long you have before it stops working, and the follow-up that is the only reason behavior ever changes.
9 min read
Giving feedback
Constructive Feedback Examples: The Vague Line and the One That Works
Feedback lines for missed deadlines, weak work, meeting tone, follow-through and checked-out reports. Each shown vague, then specific, with the evidence slot.
11 min read
Underperformance
Underperforming Employee: How to Have the Conversation You Keep Postponing
How to name a pattern after months of silence: the three instances to write down first, the words to open with, and the plan that makes the next step honest.
9 min read
One-on-ones
A One-on-One Meeting Template That Does Not Become a Status Update
A 30-minute one-on-one agenda you can copy, why the order matters more than the items, and the two variants: a first meeting, and the one where something is wrong.
9 min read
One-on-ones
One on One Meeting Questions That Get a Real Answer
Fifty-three one on one meeting questions grouped by what you are trying to find out, plus what to say when your report answers everything is fine twice.
10 min read
Saying no
How to Say No to Your Boss Without Actually Saying No
You cannot refuse work your boss assigns. You can make the trade-off visible and hand the choice back. Scripts for your manager, another org, and a public ask.
9 min read
Giving feedback
How to Have a Difficult Conversation With an Employee: The Four Parts
The four parts that work in any hard conversation with someone who reports to you, the words for each, and what to say when they get defensive or cry.
10 min read
Giving feedback
How to Handle a Toxic High Performer: What to Say to Your Best Person
Your best designer is the reason people are quietly leaving. The words to open with, the three pushbacks you will get, and what counts as a real agreement.
10 min read
Asking for more
How to Ask for a Raise by Email: Templates, and When Not to Send One
The email that books the meeting, the email that confirms what was agreed, and the full written ask for the rare cases where writing is the right channel.
9 min read
Giving feedback
12 Difficult Conversations at Work: Examples, Opening Lines, and How They Fail
Twelve difficult conversations at work, each with the situation in one line, the opening sentence that actually works, and the way it most often goes wrong.
10 min read
Conflict
A Coworker Took Credit for My Work: What to Say, and Who to Say It To
The words to use with a peer who presented your work as theirs, the three answers you will get back, and why going to your manager first is the costly move.
10 min read